12 NSFW haikus i wrote while bored at work

1:
i have found that the
quickest shortcut to laughter
is to kill yourself.

2:
maybe it's the cough
medicine talking, but you
should swallow bleach.

3:
a daycare center
held hostage with a syringe
full of drain cleaner.

4:
I want to wear your
ass like a gas mask in the
post-apocalypse.

5:
true profundity
is in absolute absence,
except no it's not.

6:
I can relate to
Thanos from Marvel Comics
a little too much.


7:
anal pulp weighs down
esophagus-glazed dog cock,
said glowing baby.

8:
my right arm might have
extensive nerve damage from
hitting my dashboard.

9:
confessional writ-
ing is for lesbians and
braying jack-asses.

10:
shake shake shake shake shake
shake shake your sensa shake your
sensa shake shake shake

11:
votes republican;
complains about big business
ruining their lives.

12:
spider legs just grew
where my fingers were chopped off.
love me, Emma Stone.

12 NSFW haikus i wrote at work

1:
i eat dead babies
and i shit valentines and
comedy records.

2:
panty sniffing is
the sincerest form of love,
next to cutting throats.

3:
you just don't get it
keep it copacetic and
learn to accept it.

4:
Kings of Leon are
Coldplay after a pack of
smokes and a tugjob.

5:
shark brain looks like cunt.
so does that mean the mouth looks
the same as a womb?

6:
i just heard Green Day
is putting out three albums
at once. fuck my life.

7:
replace my hands with
live grenades and my cock with
a busy playground.

8:
drill holes in my skull
then pour purple drink in it
for the zombie walk.

9:
is it wrong to pull
for the girl who spits acid
if she's got dem curves?

10:
i propose a mor-
itorium on bands named
after children's books.

11:
don't tell anyone,
but "Black" by Pearl Jam is
an old favorite.

12:
coupled with "Mad World",
it is a recipe for
beauteous sadness.   

14 NSFW haikus i wrote at work

1:
inspired in part
by last night's Sons of Anar-
chy. i love you, Dawn.

2:
hose of genital
warts becomes scab-encrusted
under sundress.

3:
picking his broken
question-mark shaped nose in front
of shit-head children.

4:
even their photos
reek of cheese doodles, couch farts,
and cigarette smoke.

5:
you cum-pool of re-
dundant chromosomes can rot
in cores of my fuck.

6:
young girl burned alive
in front of sad criminals;
that's reasonable.

7:
who filled the toilet
with yellowed bong vomit
at this time of night?

8:
i must masturbate
no less than three times before
i can go to sleep.

9:
when i'm bored at work
i pretend they are paying
me to do just this.

10:
you asked for it when
you bemoaned an hour of
verbalized hash-out.

11:
god kills for the same
reason we watch violent
films and news broadcasts.

12:
drink too much coffee,
listen to grindcore albums,
watch real torture porn.

13:
my cats have scary
names and i think comic books
are the only truth.

14:
won't get a B-12
shot: says it's unnatural.
eats Wendy's chicken.

7 NSFW haikus i wrote at work

they fall the 5-7-5 syllable deal. the first one was a typical thing i would write, but as it goes on the poems get increasingly anti-PC aka offensive for the sake of being offensive aka fucking dumb.

1:
bound in eights, head wound
sugar jar traffics shaft, tra-
uma like glory holes.

2:
if you were a man,
you would suck your vagina
dry as sand fountains.

3:
today is nine e-
leven. i hear the sales are
so worth falling for.

4:
Hitler laughing my
ass off. make like Auschwitz ov-
ens and lighten up.

5:
pedophilia.
what about all the good parts?
fuck you, Chris Hansen

6:
idle hands spend time
probing animal sphincters.
lucky idle hands.

7:
i almost forgot
all about AIDS. i guess cute
white kids are now safe.