Exeunt Albumnes 2012

1:

SCOTT WALKER – Bish Bosch: 
 if you’re a fan of music… any music… and it’s the year that Scott Walker has released an album… and it’s NOT on your year end list… well you’re not doing it right. To say that this man is ahead of all that’s going on in music would imply that someday someone will catch up to him. Well it’s been something like 50 years and we’re still trying. There’s Scott Walker, and then there is everything else. 

2:

LORD MANTIS – Pervertor : 
subterranean pus-waves crashing on the syringe shores of your wrecked and retarded ID. All the promise the first Lair of the Minotaur releases inspired, with none of the weak posturing of their disappointingly cartoonish follow-ups to Carnage. Just sludge and sadism. 

3:

 

THE KILL – Make ‘Em Suffer:   

Exploding Machete Thrash from Australia’s definitive grindcore act. Schooling all would-be-blast-beaters on the Western Hemisphere for over a decade. 

4:

DRAGGEDINTO SUNLIGHT – Widowmaker:  

the doomy death metal equivalent of a grisly nightmare ride through the flash-card thought patterns of a husband/father as he watches his entire family get slowly eaten by a herd of zombies. 

5:

 

THEOLOGIAN – the Chasms of My Heart:  

a sobering meditation on the purity of unwavering hopelessness. Monolithic industrial clanging with ether-drowned vocals howling from a dark matter void. 

6:

 

BLOOD RED SHOES – In Time To Voices:  

should I ever become a millionaire of Scrooge McDuck proportions, I want to pay this young lady to sing me to sleep every night. Power pop-rock with an emphasis on the power and on the rock. See also the Joy Formidable. 

7:

 

THEDOWNGOING – A Thousand Years of Darkness:  

another slice of landmine-pitching barb wire grind from Australia. High tension riffs with vocal so high you’d swear they were inspired by a shredded testicle. 

8:

 

SKIN AREA – Rothko Field:  

an artfully schizophrenic aural collage of cruelty, perversion, mutilation, sexual psychosis, and suicidal terror from the incomparable Martin Bladh.  

9:

 

HELL MILITIA – Jacob’s Ladder: 

fanatically depraved black metal from the fantastically depraved French Underground. Enough experimental dissonance to appease the more prog minded Deathspell Omega sects of bizarre metal enthusiasts, but with enough violent desperation to satisfy the blood-hungry Marduk hounds (both Deathspell and Marduk had some pretty bad-ass releases this year BTW). 

10: 

 

BAT FOR LASHES – the Haunted Man:  

scrubbing around somewhere between the hypnagogic 80s pop revivalists (Austra, Zola Jesus) and nods to the very best of 90s alterna-torch singers ala PJ Harvey, the achingly lovely Natasha Khan has really found her stride with this release. Heartbreaking without asking to be pitied (see: Taylor Swift, Pink), soulful without being forcibly melodramatic (see: Alicia Keys, Adele)… unlike almost every other female in contemporary pop-music. Bat for Lashes is a fine example of intention actually yielding its desired result.

12 NSFW haikus i wrote while bored at work

1:
i have found that the
quickest shortcut to laughter
is to kill yourself.

2:
maybe it's the cough
medicine talking, but you
should swallow bleach.

3:
a daycare center
held hostage with a syringe
full of drain cleaner.

4:
I want to wear your
ass like a gas mask in the
post-apocalypse.

5:
true profundity
is in absolute absence,
except no it's not.

6:
I can relate to
Thanos from Marvel Comics
a little too much.


7:
anal pulp weighs down
esophagus-glazed dog cock,
said glowing baby.

8:
my right arm might have
extensive nerve damage from
hitting my dashboard.

9:
confessional writ-
ing is for lesbians and
braying jack-asses.

10:
shake shake shake shake shake
shake shake your sensa shake your
sensa shake shake shake

11:
votes republican;
complains about big business
ruining their lives.

12:
spider legs just grew
where my fingers were chopped off.
love me, Emma Stone.

12 NSFW haikus i wrote at work

1:
i eat dead babies
and i shit valentines and
comedy records.

2:
panty sniffing is
the sincerest form of love,
next to cutting throats.

3:
you just don't get it
keep it copacetic and
learn to accept it.

4:
Kings of Leon are
Coldplay after a pack of
smokes and a tugjob.

5:
shark brain looks like cunt.
so does that mean the mouth looks
the same as a womb?

6:
i just heard Green Day
is putting out three albums
at once. fuck my life.

7:
replace my hands with
live grenades and my cock with
a busy playground.

8:
drill holes in my skull
then pour purple drink in it
for the zombie walk.

9:
is it wrong to pull
for the girl who spits acid
if she's got dem curves?

10:
i propose a mor-
itorium on bands named
after children's books.

11:
don't tell anyone,
but "Black" by Pearl Jam is
an old favorite.

12:
coupled with "Mad World",
it is a recipe for
beauteous sadness.   

14 NSFW haikus i wrote at work

1:
inspired in part
by last night's Sons of Anar-
chy. i love you, Dawn.

2:
hose of genital
warts becomes scab-encrusted
under sundress.

3:
picking his broken
question-mark shaped nose in front
of shit-head children.

4:
even their photos
reek of cheese doodles, couch farts,
and cigarette smoke.

5:
you cum-pool of re-
dundant chromosomes can rot
in cores of my fuck.

6:
young girl burned alive
in front of sad criminals;
that's reasonable.

7:
who filled the toilet
with yellowed bong vomit
at this time of night?

8:
i must masturbate
no less than three times before
i can go to sleep.

9:
when i'm bored at work
i pretend they are paying
me to do just this.

10:
you asked for it when
you bemoaned an hour of
verbalized hash-out.

11:
god kills for the same
reason we watch violent
films and news broadcasts.

12:
drink too much coffee,
listen to grindcore albums,
watch real torture porn.

13:
my cats have scary
names and i think comic books
are the only truth.

14:
won't get a B-12
shot: says it's unnatural.
eats Wendy's chicken.

7 NSFW haikus i wrote at work

they fall the 5-7-5 syllable deal. the first one was a typical thing i would write, but as it goes on the poems get increasingly anti-PC aka offensive for the sake of being offensive aka fucking dumb.

1:
bound in eights, head wound
sugar jar traffics shaft, tra-
uma like glory holes.

2:
if you were a man,
you would suck your vagina
dry as sand fountains.

3:
today is nine e-
leven. i hear the sales are
so worth falling for.

4:
Hitler laughing my
ass off. make like Auschwitz ov-
ens and lighten up.

5:
pedophilia.
what about all the good parts?
fuck you, Chris Hansen

6:
idle hands spend time
probing animal sphincters.
lucky idle hands.

7:
i almost forgot
all about AIDS. i guess cute
white kids are now safe.

One Album, One Kill

a usual sweep of my cd and record collections, i happened upon several albums i love very much by bands that only did that one album. not "one GOOD album", just 1 album. they're albums i still revisit, that still sound fresh and awesome, but for some reason or another, these bands just came apart after these records. a few have gone on to form other bands, while others faded away entirely. i'm not counting discography collections, and bands that have done splits were also disqualified. bands that only did one full length or ep that was officially released. let's get to the top 5;

BIOVORE - Scientific Proof

the energy of the Bad Brains with the spitty death-tech of Human Remains. such a weird, exhilarating record. CD here.

BLACK ARROWS OF FILTH AND IMPURITY - 1984 Eternal

demented mutantcore from members of COFFINWORM and the deliciously repulsive FEAST OF HEROD (another demo-only favorite of mine).




CD

GARUDA - Cold Wired Sentiment

another bizarre slice of hybrid moments in the vein of Soilent Green.
EBAY

ICEPICK REVIVAL - Distress Signal

a brain-damaged slice of crypto-sludge noise in the vein of Today is the Day, Neurosis, and the like. purchase and MP3 in the link.

PAPERCUT HOMICIDE - From Filth Comes Grace

i think everyone in the Communion has this album, and we may be the only four people who do have it. such a cool, psychotic, caustic piece of violent grinddeath that plays like a blend of Pig Destroyer, None So Vile, and the more punishing moments of Acid Bath, with all the sexual self-atrocities those bands put forth in their art and lyrics.


EBAY