HELLCHILD – Circulating
Contradiction
This is one of those used finds where you get a combined
feeling of elation and rage. Elation because HOLY SHIT A HELLCHILD CD and rage
because WHAT KIND OF SICK ASSHOLE GIVES UP A HELLCHILD CD. Circulating
Contradiction indeed. Hellchild is pretty much the perfect Death/Grind band.
Their split w/ Multiplex is fucking beastly. How come no one has reissued
Multiplex’s stuff? Is because they’re bad-ass almost-murderers like Sakevi from
GISM? I’m gonna pretend they are. This production kills everything now. I can’t
stand the way most metal/hardcore records sound these days. Converge has made a
whole generation bands equate volume with heaviness and it’s so weak. Stop
getting Kurt Ballou to record/mix everything. I dig some of the bands he’s
produced (that last Secret album was really cool), but that shapeless “mix
everything as loud as possible until it sounds like a crate of seagulls in a
paint mixer” production is tit-failure.
Where’s the weight? Where’s the non-manufactured causticness? And that’s your “Old Man Yells at a Cloud”
moment for today. Fuck, this band is brilliant.
Unique, venomous, violent, and HEAVY. Every underground metal band
should strive for this.
Favorite Tracks: “Clockwork Toy”, “Walking Barefoot”, “For
the Vanishing”, “To Find the Unknown”… plus everything before those tracks and
everything after those tracks.
HENRY COW – Legend
I know fuck-all about Henry Cow, but a lot of people whose
musical opinions I value mention them once and a while, so I figured why not?
Seems up one of my alleys. I dig Beefheart, Fifty Foot Hose… but again I’m no
where near as well versed in the art-rock genre as others. The most releases I
have from prog rock artists from that era is King Crimson, but they’re pretty
obvious. A lot more jazzy than I expected, but it’s that skronky nightmare jazz
that never stops being cool. Now we got some blissful flying-toaster-screen-saver
dream rock. I had a dream last night that I was walking past a biker bar, and
there was a toddler somewhere saying “Michael McDonald!” over and over again.
This was after I slow-danced with a friendly doberman. Who needs acid when you
you can just drink Slim-Fast before bedtime? Yeah.. I drink Slim Fast? Wanna
fight about it? You’ll probably win, because I’ve lost so much weight drinking
Slim-fast. Actually it’s not Slim-Fast, it’s the Target Market Pantry Weight
Loss Shake. “Slim-Fakes” I call them. I got really fat about 2 years ago. With
Lee passing away, not being in a relationship for 2 years (going on 4), only
getting a part-time position instead of a full-time position, writing going
nowhere, and other nonsense, I attempted to eat the “fuck this” away. If you
watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you
remember when Mac got fat that one season (“I’m cultivating mass”). I wasn’t
too far off from that. Hamburgers were consumed almost everyday… sometimes
twice in one day. Pizza… donuts… One
time I had 2 double whoppers for lunch. Another time I ate an entire Little
Ceaser’s pizza in one sitting. A light lunch would be 3 hot dogs instead of 4.
then at night I would eat an entire box of Wheat Thins, half a sleeve of
cookies, a skull top filled with Neapolitan ice cream.. you get the idea. Never
had a drinking problem… I don’t smoke… never made a habit out of drugs… but if
you put a triple baconator in front of me I’ll mouth-rape that shit, screaming
“WHERE FRIES NOMNOMNOM” as I chew and bathe my bovine gullet in milkshakes. I’m
fat.
Favorite Tracks: “Nirvana for Mice”, “Teenbeat”, “Nine
Funerals of the Citizen King”, “Bellycan”



















